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The Four Horsemen Continued

The Four Horsemen occasionally take their ride through most relationships. When the horsemen are running rampant, couples begin to believe that there is no way they can work out their problems. Couples start to separate themselves emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially hoping they can resolve their relationship problems somehow outside their marriage. There becomes drastic and detrimental changes in how we see our spouses positive and negative behaviors. I believe this is partly caused by couples believing the lie that society tells us that marriage is based on happiness and not on the foundational commitments that were made on the wedding day. If my spouse is not making me happy then I’m outta here! That statement is a whole other post waiting to happen that


The Four Horsemen

Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington says there are four attitudes which he has found to predict relationship failure. These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. When these attitudes are present in a relationship, especially when more than one is present, then there is a very good chance that the relationship will not survive. Here is a breakdown of those attitudes, give yourself an honest look at which one you have a tendency to play in your relationships (either married or dating). Criticism: Criticism is the fault finder or the one who judges unfavorably. When you criticize your partner, you attack your partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making yourself right and your partner wrong. I refer to


What are Your Expectations?

Okay, so we all have expectations. Some are realistic and some are not. My wife should be this. My husband should be this. My children should be behaving differently. I should be farther along in my career by now. People who drive slow should stay out of the fast lane. Do any of these sound familiar? In the book titled, The Knight in Rusty Armor by Robert Fisher, there is a statement that has been helpful to me for years about the expectations that I have set in my life. The statement is “When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.” So many times I have referred back to this quote with much growth and understanding to follow. Today, I heard


Crisis Management – How to Handle your Feelings in the Midst of Crisis

This first step to handling anything is to acknowledge what is happening. Looking at any crisis from the perspective of “you cannot change or heal what you don’t acknowledge”, will help in the midst of crisis. At times and depending on the crisis, it may be difficult to understand what needs to be changed or healed, that is why some outside help is important to set yourself in a healthy direction with decisions. If you are anything like me, it may be difficult to even get to a place where you can pinpoint what you are feeling. Looking at feelings as colors has been a helpful step for me. Feelings are like different colors, some are red, blue, green, yellow, orange, black. They are not



A mentor told me this phrase a long time ago and I have referred to it in many situations that I have found myself in throughout my life. This phrase is “Talent and Charisma will get you to the top, Character will keep you there.” In the midst of the Tiger scandal this phrase has been brought back to my attention. There is an intense lack of people looking at their character because it involves accountability. It may not always be comfortable to take off the mask and ask ourselves; what the heck am I doing? This lack of taking off the mask has resulted in a society that will continue embracing a tolerance that is extremely unhealthy. As I have mentioned in an earlier


DE-STRESSING the Holidays

DE-STRESSING THE HOLIDAYS Last night I presented on the topic of how to de-stress the holidays. In my research for the topic I found that the Top Stressors During the Holidays from multiple sources were: Relationships Relationships can be stressful and create turmoil in ones life. Also, facing the holidays without a loved one can be tough and add loneliness and sadness. Finances Added expenses of gifts, food, travel and entertainment can put a strain on your budget and you peace of mind. Also, overspending can create stress that is ongoing. Physical Stress Being exhausted with added chores and errands can increase ones stress level during the holidays. It is important for us to understand how stress effects us mentally, physically and behaviorally. Each of



It fills me up when I see a person connect with a time when they shut off their emotions. Whether it is parental disappointment or life circumstances that influences the shut down, those events begin to lose their power with the awareness that takes place. Everyone of us deserves to have experiences like this…and each time I experience it, I grow another step in freedom. Today I choose to embrace freedom.


It's a Slow Fade

So I have heard the song “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns many times and everytime that I hear it I see a little more of what takes place around me everyday. I have seen too many marriages come to a place where all of a sudden, or so it seems, the marriage ended up in a horrible place. I believe that it brings to light the awareness that everyone needs in order to have a successful, meaning life. The Chorus of the song so elequently puts it: It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid When you give yourself away People never crumble


Connection Barriers

I was reminded this past week, while I was leading a Focus Seminar in Boise, Idaho, the amazing strength and power in a community that stays connected with each other. I believe that people everywhere are looking for a connection with others and desire a community of support. The thing that gets in the way of that connection are barriers that are created out of fear. When we get serious at knocking down these barriers we allow ourselves to connect in a powerful way. What barriers are you facing and what are you doing to get them out of the way?


Change and the Power of Choice (continued)

What a great FAN night last night! Many of you have asked for a link to the video and wanting a copy of the PowerPoint used. You can find the video at  You can find the PowerPoint here: If you would like ot continue your growth process, feel free to contact Bryan today at (913) 568-8276 or fill out the contact form.


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