Okay, I’m glad your reading this because there a not-so-perfect parent writing this. I don’t need to tell you that our job as parents can be difficult at times, although the joy that comes with parenting can be incredible more times than not.
So now that I have your attention, I’m going to stop typing and let you start! This post is an participatory sport. So take a few minutes and give me your thoughts on the following question. Looking back on your parenting skills, whether that is one year or 50 years, let me know what you would have done different knowing what you know now?
I would have asked for help. My kids are 13 and 10 now and I have the blessing of having several young moms around me. I love snuggling babies for mommas who are so tired of holding a baby that won’t be put down. I’ll happily change a diaper or two or play a game on the floor. Whatever.
When I was in that phase of life I was so exhausted all the time, it felt like such a burden or even against some “mommy rule” to have to ask someone to hold her/him so I could be alone with my thoughts for 10 minutes.
I am blessed to help, it is good for me and good for that other momma. Where did we ever get the idea that it was bad to ask for help? We need each other so desperately. It is showing me now that it is still ok to ask for help. The challenges of tweens are less phyically exhausting and more mentally exhausting!! And really, we just need each other.
Thank you Kate for your response! It reminds me of Giver/Taker…if we are not asking for help then we are communicating to others that we do not need any help! We for sure need each other…
knowing what I know now … that’s a loaded question Bryan! Looking back on my early 20’s, parenting 4 small rambunctious, strategic, energetic and intelligent boys,I was not secure in who I was as a person nor a mommy. I did not feel confident in myself nor my abilities, therefore I parented out of that insecurity. I wore a mask of perfection while hiding in fear. By wanting people around me to believe that I had it all together, I did not allow for my boys to make mistakes, be dirty, argue, disobey … all the natural things they are supposed to do. My rigidity in parenting was creating children who were not allowed to be who they were created to be, I needed them to make me look perfect to keep up MY image! How sucky! I taught them well how to wear masks.
I believe that when I am a healthy individual that is able to embrace my strengths and acknowledge my weaknesses then I am no longer looking at parenting through my own crippling inadequacies. This has allowed me to stop being so darn selfish in my parenting. When I parent through fear it is ALL ABOUT ME! I want to parent with my energy being about them! When I am full I have lots and lots to give to my boys, when I am empty I take and take from them. When I am full I am playful, patient, a good listener, helpful, gentle and thoughtful. When I am empty I am selfish, tired, demanding, impatient, loud, overbearing … yuck.
I choose now to love myself and to do self care so that I am a filled up momma who can celebrate her kiddos! Wish I could tell that to my young self 20 years ago. Wish I could tell her that she was perfect, that she was beautiful, that she was more than equipped to parent these boys, that she was capable, that if her boys are dirty it’s because they had a great time playing and that those people around her who were judging her were they themselves struggling with the same insecurities!
You are awesome Heidi! Thanks for sharing your heart about your journey…